Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Everything about him screamed your future.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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