Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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