Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I will pee on everything he values.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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