There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
did i just pee glitter
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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