he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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