I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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