the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
