Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
