i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
