The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
