I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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