Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
