Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
