i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
