but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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