Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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