I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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