There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
