cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
