hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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