Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
