Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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