I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
