i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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