Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
