im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dignity is for republicans.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
