I puked a lego.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
