thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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