I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
