Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
