she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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