First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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