wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
