next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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