and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
