just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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