He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
