I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
