Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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