So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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