this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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