I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
