I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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