Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
