Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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