So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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