I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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