Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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