i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
