Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
