Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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