Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
