i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
