Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
