she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
