A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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