Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
