He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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