allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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