Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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