if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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