I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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