You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
