my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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