Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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