when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
