i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
