Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my shit smells like andre
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
