At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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