do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
