he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Boobs are out for the taking
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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