I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
