his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
