the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
