I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
